I thought I had passed the nadir of my recent emotional downward spiral, but that was only wishful thinking. I ended up leaving work at noon, mostly because it was too difficult to concentrate with mascara running down my face and burning my eyes. The worst? When someone would ask what was wrong.I wrote an apology email to Ed and Terri-with-an-i (his new wife), telling them it was really none of my business if she had been divorced 5 times or where they lived. He keeps telling me to get on with my life, but I don't know how. I must not have realized how much, exactly, I'd be giving up.
I told him I missed our friendship, which makes me wonder if I have dementia - we never were particularly good friends. He may have a better life and new and improved wife, but I'm going to continue wearing the engagement ring.
8 comments:
I think you need a couple of nights hitting the Nashville honky-tonks...
He's Mr. Terri with an -i number 6?
Ewww.
I think someone else is on the downward spiral.
You are second to noone.
You win! :)
...I am sorry you are hurting, Indi. I wish I could make it better. All I can do is offer you cyber beer and a cyber makeout session. And I am not sure of my talents in that arena.
But for you I would certainly try.
:)
Ending these intense relationships is really like dealing with a death in your family. Healing takes as long as it takes. Acknowledging that you feel bad is the right thing. Even if he was doing awfully you really would not benefit or experience much gain. My mother who was a psychologist and very good at helping other people with their problems (even though she was very screwed up personally) used to say something that I have found wise over the years, "Being able to forgive yourself is one the hardest things in life. So you must make it a priority to learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again." Whatever happened in the past, regardless of fault or circumstance, is lost in the past. If that relationship had really been fulfilling you would still be in it. Being kind to yourself should be your first priority.
If that does not work, you might seek the help of true experts as I have during these times of crisis, Voodoo Doctors.
Also, go to outlook and pull up his contact information. Now hit delete. Since contacting him just makes you feel worse it should be verboten.
Ok, in reading that over I see that it is too heavy. I can say that mindless overconsumption of foods that are bad for one always makes me feel better.
I think just about everyone's done this at least once. I know I have and it used up a few years of my life, years I'll never get back. When I'd had enough of letting a non-relationship control every day of my life I slowly got back to having a life of my own. Then I had the best few years of my life.
I'll avoid the usual cliches.
As you said, you didn't even like him.
Lacy: Tiffany called last night and threatened to kick my ass if I don't show up - how often do I get to drink with my awesome family??
terri: you're so sweet, but I may have to come up with a nickname for you so I don't start obsessing...
Laoch: I like the heavy-toned advice...all good things to think about. I feel deaf, but trying to learn physics by reading lips - does that make sense? I read your words, and think they might eventually sink in? I just want someone to worship and adore me - why is that so difficult?
Monty: wise man, you always make me feel understood. I think you should be my life coach...
I think you're better off making a clean break of it as hard as it may be. Things always sound easier than they are to do.
After my disastrous marriage (and I was the one who ended it because I'd finally had enough of the abuse) I still found myself thinking about what if's, and it's those what if's that will bring you further down. So I retrained myself to think "what is" instead of "what if" and in the long run I was a much happier healthier person for it. It didn't happen overnight, but be selfish in this case, and think about your self.
Maybe it's just the drama you miss that you had with him.
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