Reptilian Dating

I’ve blog-slacked so long, failing to report legal battles, head injuries, and dating drama, that it will require a bulleted outline before attempting to get caught up. I should probably separate my life into categories, then update one at a time so it doesn’t seem like such an overwhelming chore. Which reminds me of the version of Quicken on the imac my dad gave me. In his “Budgeted Anarchy” file are separate categories for drinking, such as “alcohol in the cabin”, “alcohol from the grocery store” and “alcohol at the bar”. Really? Can’t you just clump it all together under a general BEER FUND? The distinctions make me laugh, though, and help me realize and understand that my brain quirks have simply been passed down as a trait, like those infinitely long toes that are somehow helping future natural selection.

Anyway, to the topic for today: James. The on-again/off-again boyfriend/guy I hang out with, who makes me suspicious and pissed off simply by sleeping. Over the past three months, we’ve had a bit o’ drama, some ups and downs, crazy stalking behavior, blackouts and shady dating busts. The good news is I didn’t realize I’d ever obsess about another man after Ed – now it appears as though the track in my brain that gets stuck on replay has been split. This IS great, right? Because there’s a saying in my field: dilution is the solution to pollution. Less Ed, more James, overall improved mental health. At least comes the realization that (twisted) emotions are still brewing and stewing in this previously cold, dark, frigid heart. Bring it, suckah!

About three months ago, James moved from Michigan to a nearby town in SE Alabama. We met on an online dating site, had the standard dinner and drinking dates, and spent two weekends together. I couldn’t help but notice (when prying) that his dating profile was still active and he was signing in daily, so I created another profile, with fraudulent information and some other woman’s photo. “She” happened to start a conversation with him, emailing and acting interested. Okay, fine, technically this is called entrapment, but it worked. He complimented her smile, she invited him to meet a group of friends in Dothan, and he mentioned it sounded like fun. He works 3rd shift (10 pm - 6 am) and told me that he might have to work overtime that weekend, which I can only assume was a lie so he could meet the date. Freak Out #1 of our blossoming friendship. I never want to start a relationship on false pretensses and spilled the beans regarding the sting operation instead. What he took out of the experience? Never trust me again, and how many personalities do I have, anyway?

We've somehow gotten along and broken up several times since, but when James mentioned he had to work overtime again last Saturday night, I had no choice but to dump him. By Sunday, I was obsessively back to searching for all things James-related on the world's dating sites...and called him 15 times before he wisely turned off his phone. I deleted his phone number and was forced to grab flip flops to wear with my nightgown to drive to his house at 1:30 in the morning to apologize.

I don't know if all Italian men are so shady or if I lucked into the only one, but this relationship is going to end badly, probably one day soon if I have anything to do with it.