Septo-rhino-plastica

I have a c-shaped scar on my wrist from running forward as a glass door was slamming backwards, which is cool if you're into monogramed body parts. My c-shaped nasal monstrosity (aka NOSE), however, has been the bane of my existence and ruined more photos than I care to mention. Distorted and exaggerated in my mind, perhaps, but a profile is a terrible thing to waste.

On Wednesday, I underwent a Septorhinoplasty to straighten my nasal passageways, get rid of the hump, refine the tip (and make me beautiful-ish). Because there was a deviated septum involved, my health insurance forked out 85% of the cost of the procedure. Gracias, Blue Cross!

Recovery is going well (except for what looks like a piece of cartilage or leaking brain material poking through my left nostril. Several attempts to remove on my own have caused near blackouts) and I've been able to get out and about with my purple-rimmed eyes, bandages and nose splint. You'd think people would stare, but they go out of their way to avoid looking.

Top 5 anxiety-causing activities post-nasal surgery:

I. Being told not to sneeze or blow my nose for two weeks while it seeps and bleeds its way into a new shape.

II. Getting in the car. Sure, I've only closed my nose in a car door once, but that was enough (the fact that my son accidentally closed his car window on his nose a few weeks ago makes me wonder if these are common injuries?). Also related seems to be a new fear of walls. I've never actually walked smack dab into one nose first...or have I?

III. Driving. More specifically, crashing and having airbags inflated. onto. my. face.

IV. Trying not to get the bandages wet. That was just a suggestion for the 2-showers a day patient, right?

V. Getting addicted to pain medication because moving/breathing/ sleeping hurts so much. Lortab? Oh, yeah, I get it.