Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds

Ever notice that the later you are, the slower your kid moves? Bill Nye, the Science Guy must have been lurking in the background as my son acted out a segment on slow motion this morning. Then, because he’s a boy, he forgot his backpack and we had to turn around. I’ve decided to reset his alarm clock tonight.

Murphy’s law dictates that since I was seriously late already, there should be a flock of suicidal wild turkeys flying across the road, trying to smash themselves into my grill (second morning in a row, actually). I’m not sure if they’re called a flock…or even if it’s called flying. Dumbo the elephant with mashed potatoes and gravy comes to mind.

It's 8:30 a.m. and I need a drink. Make that a double.

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