Running with Scissors (Addendum)

Because they were a little suspicious about all the chemicals in my blood, I had to talk to a substance abuse counselor before I was released from the hospital. Smart, those doctors.

We came up with a "life plan", in which I agreed not to attempt to harm myself before June 16, 2008 (do I get a "best if used before..." date stamp on my forehead?) and to see a counselor, who happened to be a therapist AND a pastor conveniently rolled into one. Great. I eagerly agreed, mostly because I didn't want to raise any flags and spend another night in that tv-less room, throwing up jello, and was in desperate need of a shower.

I made a casual, "hypothetically-speaking, if I did need a therapist" phone call to my insurance company and discovered they were willing to shell out funds for forty-five visits per year. A little pessimisstic, I thought, but at least this self discovery crap wouldn't cost me anything.

My 'therapastor', who doesn't like to focus on the past (what kind of anti-Freud bullshit is this?), welcomed me into his office and distracted me by talking about himself for 45 of the scheduled 55 minutes. The shoulda-been-caped Super-Crisis-Therapist has helped the high school tornado survivors, girls who are "cutters", and families who need help communicating.

After my brief synopsis/sharing of the spotlight, his only concern seemed to be my drinking, so he asked if I'd ever considered AA.

"Nah," I said, quoting my sister, "That's for quitters."
"Does your sister think you drink too much?"
"Uh...no. She's in college."

Obviously, alcohol might have impaired my judgement and encouraged impulsivity, but it seems like it'd be more logical to give up prescription meds if we're going to take this odd approach to curing depression. Yeah, focus on the only enjoyable social activity I have. He deemed me 'fine' and suggested I make another appointment in a few weeks. Delusional narcissist.


Kelly said...


The 16th of June is my birthday so it's a good day. I've often considered going to see a therapist, but have yet to brave that threshold. I'm proud of you for giving it a try.

It can't be easy.

AlabamaGal said...

It sounds like the self discovery crap will mostly be discovering useless info. about the therapist HIMself.

I know it was a pain in the booty to go through that.


Wiz's Wench said...

you ARE seeking another therapist, right? What a pompous, self-important (I guess that's the same as pompous, huh?) asshole. Go to a dozen...go until you find the right one for you.

THAT man is a retard.

wiz's wayward wench

Darren said...

AA? Alabama Alien?

As for your drinking too much, did you tell him that you are really good at it? That might change his mind about you.

JustJock said...

always the comedienne, eh?

nice to know you take this all so seriously. you've given me some gray hair, you know.

instead of ruining your liver, eat some corned beef boxty. then go work it off. next time, I may not be there to interfere with your plans.

kay said...

Personal experience leads me to encourage you to drop your therapastor.

Therapy and religion do not mix (and this from a church lady, for god's sakes!). Ever.

Not all things can be undone or unthought, just because God loves us and Jesus died for us and blah, blah, blah.

*I*, on the other hand, with my pretend psychology degree, would take you out and DO stuff, like go skydiving and waterskiing and hot-air ballooning, and then we'd grill hot dogs and hamburgers and drink my delicious lemonade-iced tea and talk about the people who foolishly wandered into our gossip zone.

And we'd talk.

Call if you need.

junquedujour said...

I'm sure you must be in that 'what the fuck am I to do now' state -- should I or shouldn't I stop with the drugs,likker,therapist,YIKESPREACHER

However torn as you may be, I have to tell you how absolutely entertaining you are for the rest of us yeah-if-it-weren't-for-blogs-I'd-have-no-life-at-all

so, just keep it coming, ya hear? For our pleasure, of course ;^)

Say Anything said...

Kelly: Happy (belated) Birthday! If you ever do decide to see a therapist, call me first. I'll blather on about myself endlessly and save you the money. ;)

Michelle: at least he's got religion to fall back on as a career...

WW: There are only 5 approved therapists for this area...my journey may be a short one.

Darren: maybe he wants me to switch to vodka?

Jock: grey hair, huh? I won't be satisfied 'til you're bald. ;)

Kay: he did say he was concerned about my lack of social network...gossipping over lemonade iced tea was implied (and thank you).

Brenda: he didn't even offer drugs!

Steph said...

Where to start. I know I have no idea what you've been through and how you are really feeling, but, I do want to say, from my point of view...
You are beautiful, young, extremely intelligent, funny, talented, and loving.

You have so much to offer, and it doesn't just mean to a single person in your life.
Look how much you are loved and appreciated here.

You have a son who, I'm sure makes you crazy, but, I know that he loves you and you love him.
His life would NOT be better without you in it.

None of ours would.

I guess I have a hard time understanding the low you hit because you have so much, you ARE so much.
We just need you to realize that.