I'm Leaving...on a Jet Ski

Nothing piques a mother's interest quite like a text message from her teenage son in the middle of the night which reads:

I'm o.k. Call me in the morning.

His definition of "okay" is debatable, but I did call in the morning to discover the master of understatement and his dad were out riding jet skis last weekend when one (or both) of them turned too sharply and collided into the other. Patrick flew into the air from the impact, landed on his tailbone and thought he was paralyzed before they were rescued and he was transported to the hospital.

By the time I talked to him, he was doped up on liquid Lortab, and wasn't feeling much pain from the fractured leg and coccyx, stitches, assorted lumps and bruises. His dad rented a U-Haul to transport Patrick's new (pimp) El Camino from Savannah back to Alabama, and I'm guessing this was the least desirable way he imagined spending Fall Break.

My Kathy-Bates-in-Misery style of nursing* involved picking up McDonald's every night on the way home from work, and forcing him to watch chick flicks with me all week. Never underestimate the quality time you can have with a teenage prisoner on pain medication.

*What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER? I will tell you "what's the matter!" I go out of my way for you! I do every-thing to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Anne, I can't write on this paper, Anne!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!


Slick said...

Making him watch chick flicks?? Geeez girl, isn't he in enough pain as it is??!

That picture just makes me grimace, ouch.

Haphazardkat said...

Ooooo glad your boy is OK...as in not paralyzed..sheeeit!
Hmm..now for a most excellent chick flick that will make him cringe and regret not fully disclosing things to his Momma... Hmm....how about..."The King and I"

Candy~ said...

I'm so glad ya'll are ok! Don't forget to take care of yourself too. I know he was the one in the accident but you are the one that's currently stressed about it.

Lorna said...

Wow...just once I'd like to stop by here and see that you'd won the lottery or discovered a miracle cure for all that ails us by accidentally combining the right amount of Budweiser with Doritos..;P! Regardless I am glad to see you are approaching life and its "little" set backs with some kind of levity. I have not been out in the blogosphere as of late myself (you may or may not have noticed). I think these things have a cycle and sometimes RL has to take precedence. Hang in there and take care of your boy. Things will get better.

AlabamaGal said...

What an awful way to spend fall break. Thank goodness he is not paralyzed (big sigh of relief)
You made me laugh with the chick flicks and "prisoner". I imagine he is in a drug filled state and anything would be fine at this point but,still... ouch.

I like the new look of your blog.

Haphazardkat said...

How's your boy child doing??

Happy Halloweeeeeen!

*swoops in with my Hello Kitty cape flying and drops off a 6 pack of Miller Chill beer*

*swoopsssss out*

stephen said...

At least he's alive, alive enough for you to torment. :)

Hope you're doing okay, it's been awhile since we chatted. :)

Say Anything said...

Slick: all the more reason for him to get better and master those crutches! ;)

Kat: OH YEAH...or "The Sound of Music"...I had forgotten about musicals!

Candy: he's a tough little shithead. ;)

Lorna: yes, I have noticed your absence and miss you! I'm going to start working on that Doritos/Budweiser project...thanks!

Michelle: I imagine it WAS pretty scary, especially being in the water, not able to move. And thanks, I'm feeling quite "olive drab with orange font" lately ;)

Stephen: I KNOW! Where've you been hiding, mr. man?!