Darby O'Gill

"Then you can forget the tears an' troubles of the world outside. There's nothin' but fun and diversion here!"

There's no such thing as a free lunch...

...oh, wait a minute: yes, there is!

I frequent a Mexican restaurant outside the gates of Ft. Rucker, where the nachos are smothered under six pounds of cheese and the Coronas never end. When possible, I schedule work lunches there, and occasionally meet dates (one week, I met three different men there for lunch - it was a fluke, seriously).

Today, as I was waiting in line to pay, the owner came over and told me how grateful he was for all the business I brought - and told me lunch was on him. Next step? Bar tab...

Extra Sensory Breakup

I tend to assume everyone else is on the same page I am, yet that rarely seems to be the case. Christian has called three times, leaving messages about wanting to see me this weekend.

My break-up skills, obviously, need a little work.

November Spawned a Monster

Apparently, my maximum tolerance for a man is three months - it's officially over with Christian (though I should say "unofficially" because he's been waiting for ME to call HIM and I have no intention of breaking the silence with a dumping). There were no major problems - just a series of cumulative pet peeves and I'd rather be stoned to death with popcorn than deal with them another day:

I have no problem dating a poor (monetary-challenged) man, but a tightwad, cheap boyfriend who makes more than I do, and hasn't taken me out in three months, but still manages to come over and drink all my beer? Thanks, but no.

This might be irrational, but I don't like people who sleep more than 6 hours/night.

He doesn't believe in evolution, fossils, or carbon dating. Seriously. Gravity is also a theory, and I may not understand the complexities of it, but that doesn't mean I won't land on the floor if my drunken self falls off a bar stool.

He'd complain about my Netflix movie choices. She who pays, chooses!

Chewing tobacco. Just...ew!

How endearing that he has no cell phone or internet? Nope. He's too cheap and was hoping I could add him to my family plan.

He watches competitive fishing shows. Day and night.

Tell me, again, about all the fish in the sea??