Reality cheque

My family has been extra supportive lately, while simultaneously giving me a much-needed dose of reality regarding Eddie Money. That controlling, bad-tempered, AC/DC playing Republican...are we thinking of the same ex-husband?

The most hilarious words of encouragement? From my sister TQ:

"I HATE when people say 'Oh, you'll find someone when you least expect it'. Well, who the hell expects to find someone? Blah. My cliché piece of advice for you is, and I quote (myself): "You will find someone when you're drunk and expecting it the most."


Baby, you can drive my car

On the list of top 10 cars in America to receive tickets, mine is parked illegally at position #9. Damn those other foolhardy maniacs for drawing attention to me. I am, however, currently on a streak of 1 year, 1 month and 11 days without a speeding ticket.


Nashing it out

"It's the same with your dreams and nightmares. You have to feed them to keep them alive."
~ John Nash

I was required to see a therapist in 2007, so I pulled out his old letterhead* to get his phone number and tried to make an appointment. Unfortunately, waiting over a year between visits means you have to go through the new patient referral process again, which takes a few weeks. Note to self: plan the next meltdown a month in advance.

*after two visits, when he declared I was too smart for therapy (ha! who's the dumbass now?), I asked him to write a note for Patrick, who was dubious at best, that I was fine.

My dad suggested swapping out obsessions, telling me that food and exercise had always been successful for him. I'm wondering if he meant the thought of an exercise obsession, though, since it occurs to me I've never actually seen him work out. It matters not. I dragged this flabby ass to the gym today, and now I'm too tired to do much of anything else. Bravo.

[Love Remains the Same - Gavin Rossdale]


Mourning has broken, like the first mourning

A funeral. Yeah, that was the best place for me today. Standing outside in unseasonably cold, 38 degree Montgomery, Alabama at my friend's mother's Methodist funeral, mouthing the words to Amazing Grace. Who knew?

The couple had been married 53 years...and I think I'm mourning? (an email to Ed this weekend: "'Til death do us part...did you forget? Fucker." And I wonder why I was unsuccessful at wooing him back?)


Poor, poor pitiful me

I thought I had passed the nadir of my recent emotional downward spiral, but that was only wishful thinking. I ended up leaving work at noon, mostly because it was too difficult to concentrate with mascara running down my face and burning my eyes. The worst? When someone would ask what was wrong.

I wrote an apology email to Ed and Terri-with-an-i (his new wife), telling them it was really none of my business if she had been divorced 5 times or where they lived. He keeps telling me to get on with my life, but I don't know how. I must not have realized how much, exactly, I'd be giving up.

I told him I missed our friendship, which makes me wonder if I have dementia - we never were particularly good friends. He may have a better life and new and improved wife, but I'm going to continue wearing the engagement ring.


Velvet Morning

You'd think 9 glasses of wine, blood pressure medication and an Ambien would've resulted in a few hours of sleep/passing out. Not so. I need a distraction to get over this ed-obsession. Unfortunately, I recently stopped dating, am on a diet, a strict new budget and still have plenty of cats.

2009: the year of the crack pipe.

[Meds by Placebo]