2.23.2008

Single White Leo

How come I'm always dating someone on their birthday, dropping hard-earned cash on dinner and a gift, but when my birthday rolls around, I'm alone? Starving and giftless.

I'm guessing this is the real reason singles ask one another their signs before dating.

2.07.2008

The Theory Debunker is IN

24 years driving. 13 speeding tickets.
[Is that as bad as it sounds? Oy]

As a self-proclaimed speeding expert, I've had this theory: if you overpay your speeding ticket by $1, the books never get closed because the city clerk will never send a rebate check for the difference, so your insurance company never finds out. Ignorance is bliss, you know, and I delusionally hoped my rates wouldn't reflect my "I need to see your license and registration, ma'am" status.

Perfect in theory, not-so-perfect in reality.

After my most recent "68 in a 55" (on New Year's DAY! Apparently, I need a designated driver to get places while I'm sober), I procrastinated* too long and had to make the payment in person.

*which comes first: the procrastinator or the speeder?

I handed the city clerk a money order for $121, so she attempted to give me $1 change. I said, "Oh, no, that's a tip. I don't want it."

We argued back and forth for a while, and as I was pocketing the change (those city clerks are badasses, I tell ya'), I asked her about my theory. She informed me that if I had mailed in too much money, they simply would have raised the fine to the amount sent, so the ticket would be closed.

What's a poor lead foot to do?

2.01.2008

Adult-ish

I might be twisted. My sister TQ showed up at my house last night, suffering from her freshly broken heart and weighing about 88 pounds - I'm so envious! She tends to get sad and anxious, which prevents her from eating - and also makes her a cheap date at the bar. When I saw her, I realized I needed a strong bout of depression, myself, because I've been happy for 3 months and happy equals fat in my food-is-tied to everything world.

Sorta-boyfriend Christian is out of town in a week-long fishing tournament in Georgia so TQ and I headed to the bar and met up with some of my ex-coworkers. Drunk (and sober) me doesn't hold grudges so I got along fine with those asses...oh, yeah, I think I hugged Jessica from behind, soaking wet from dancing in the rain. Several times. Yep, irristible.

This morning, as I was wandering around in last night's wet clothes, with my hair sticking out at right angles, looking frantically for my work cell phone (my personal cell phone died recently and I still haven't been able to find that one, which is somewhere in the house, I'm sure of it!), my 17 year old son passed in the hallway and said, "You know you're an adult, right?"

[Garbage - Happy When It Rains]