10.30.2008

Cuff Me

When I was pregnant, a million and eighteen years ago, my blood pressure topped out at a whopping 200/160. I was living alone in a foreign country (Alabama), a supersized seizure waiting to happen. I'd drive to the hospital every day so they could check the numbers, "tsk, tsk", and tell me to stay in bed. The little dumpling was born, and my ferocious headaches ended immediately.*

*rather, they morphed into a 3-dimensional boy.

Upon starting the new job Monday, I was required to visit the Occupational Health Office. My blood pressure was high, higher yesterday, and, continuing with the trend, highest today. Of course, driving to the hospital twice a day, looking for a parking place, and being told to relax is stressing me out! The headaches are killing me...but at least I'm not pregnant.

10.27.2008

Loquacious Rickster

My family cell phone plan is no longer sufficient. I spend more in overages than the actual cost, so I called AT & T for some pricing and contract information.

Me: I'm trying to decide whether to increase the minutes in my plan or get one without my 18 year old son, who talks too much.

Customer Service: Kick his ass to the curb!

10.26.2008

Work as the Curse of the Drinking Class

In August, when my Aunt 'Ricia and cousin Tamara stopped by on their drive from Michigan to Las Vegas (yeah, maybe we're all geographically challenged), we were excited to visit the Hank Williams museum in Montgomery, Alabama. The tradition is to do a shot of whiskey over his grave, since he had supposedly gotten thrown out of the Grand Ole' Opry because of whiskey on his breath. Actually, I think you're supposed to leave the shot, but we are not a wasteful crew.

Alabama law forbids the sale of alcohol on Sunday, but fortunately, we had connections: my sister Tiffany's boyfriend's mother had a stash of travel-size shot bottles, which she smuggled into the nursing home to her mother every week. As we were leaving, she asked if any of us had to use the restroom, to which my son Patrick replied, "Aaaaaah do," in the thickest southern accent I have ever heard.

Tomorrow is the first day of my new federal job. When I get sworn in, I'm gonna raise that right hand and say, "Aaaaah, do!"

10.23.2008

Strangelove

Driving to the dentist this morning, I was overanalyzing wondering why a man supposedly dating me would suggest/encourage breast implants and hair extensions. Is honesty in a relationship really so great? Would it be so difficult to accept shortcomings without pointing them out first? I found no answers (as it was only a ten minute drive).

I entered the office and was greeted by a woman in line, who turned and said, "I love you."

I knew no one was behind me, so I smiled and hoped she would realize we had never met.

"It's your insides," she said. "They're beautiful - I can tell - and I love you."

I had always wondered if my spleen was ravishing. Fortunately, there were only a few minutes of awkward small talk before they called me back for teeth-cleaning fun. It turns out my insurance company approved a crown for a cracked molar, but the deadline is tomorrow, so the receptionist managed to squeeze me in. Let's hope I'm ushered into the back before enduring more declarations of love or group hugs.

10.18.2008

Rambling Gambler

During this time of financial uncertainty, while most of my (older) co-workers are freaking out about the downward spiral of their 401K accounts and lamenting the stock market, I am psyched. If I retired today, I could maintain my current lifestyle for two months, which is still 84% longer than ever before.

Currently flat-ass broke, I decided to take my grocery budget (who am I kidding? It's a beer and popcorn fund), and buy more stock in my favorite retail chain on Friday. Then, to increase my odds in successful dabbling, charged a bunch of clothes there on Saturday. Oh, the financial empires I could have founded on shaky ground...

I'm a rambler, I'm a gambler
I'm a long ways from home.
And if you don't like me, well leave me alone.
I'll eat when I'm hungry and I'll drink when I'm dry,
And if moonshine don't kill me, I'll live till I die.
- Clancy Brothers

10.14.2008

A picture is worth...more than 6 words

Apparently, I should be more specific when posting my latest employment news and a photo from a long weekend in North Carolina with my platonic, yard boy boyfriend*. The new job is still in Alabama - the government equivalent of the position I currently hold. There'll be way more responsibility, and slightly less pay, but at least I'll still be working incredibly long hours. Truth be told, it's been my dream job for years.

*Mike & I have been going out for over two months, but I'm not exactly sure if we're dating. He takes care of my "honey do" list like installing ceiling fans, hanging blinds, and all the yardwork every week, but there's no romance (maybe he's playing hard to get? Sly.).

We drove six hours to his parents' place in North Carolina for a long weekend in the mountains. I can safely say I'll never hike in flip flops again.

10.13.2008