Call It.

I've been playing a game with my dentist for over ten years. He prescribes antibiotics, which I'm supposed to take before cleanings twice a year because of my heart, but don't, of course (turns out I prefer to stockpile pills to wash down all at one time with beer. Not funny, I know), but lie when he asks and request another script as a cover. Oh, the little rebellious things I do to amuse myself.

Now, however, the party's over: the dental powers that be have decided antibiotics are no longer required for people like me. To top it all off, a lifetime of nachos and popcorn has cracked another tooth, requiring crown #2.

Pass the applesauce and geritol.